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so it's like, what the hell. i've sorta kinda been pushing anything… - The Deal
May 4th, 2005
07:57 pm

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so it's like, what the hell. i've sorta kinda been pushing anything resembling an emotion to the back of my mind for the past two weeks, and it's been working out pretty well, but steph's post kinda hit the nail on the head. no dramatics, no deep mourning or depression...just discontentment. just feeling like i'm settling so that i don't get hurt. which is really wrong because it feels really GREAT to not get hurt. but the same thing that hurt me put an intense spark in my life. i like that i don't obsess over it any more, i like that i really am ENJOYING my life right now. my life's good. but God dammit, it used to be GREAT, AWESOME, SPECTACULAR and it's really depressing to wonder if maybe that was just part of being young and it's unattainable.

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